the handmaiden (2016)

Written 2.8.2021

Note from 9/2023: I’ve seen this movie 4 times at this point and every time my feelings about it change. A lot of what I had written still rings true for me. I guess with each viewing, and with more life experience, I just have more to say about it.  But it’s nice to look back and see how purely excited I was about this movie. Man, it was a really big deal, and it really was! 

 // 3rd viewing //

// ♪ You are my baby miss ♪ //

The first time I watched this movie I was with Bob, L, Nancy, and Jun--a theater viewing at the UA Riverside. Of course we loved it and I remember afterwards crowding around a laptop on the floor of our apartment living room, reading some review or analysis of the movie and exchanging our thoughts and excitement. The second time, it was maybe MS1 or 2 year at Naveen's apartment after hot pot with a bunch of people, including I think all of the people from the first time plus Josh, maybe Daniel + NJ's friend? 

Anyway, this was the first time I was watching it in the comfort of our own apartment, with just Bob. I felt I had more space in my mind to really immerse myself in the movie, without my mind automatically wondering what others were thinking during some of the more sexual scenes (more on that later). But wow, I didn't expect this movie to hit the way that it did, especially on the third viewing, but this movie... is something special to me. 

I was talking to L today when I visited them at work at Omoi Zakka and they talked about how wonderful it is to see lesbian romances depicted genuinely, and how fulfilling (and rare) it is that Hideko and Sooki "get exactly what they want." I was thinking something similarly when we started the movie--I said to Bob that what I liked about this movie is that it has a genuinely happy ending. It's happy in an ecstatically subversive way--two women falling in love and running away from not only the man who was abusing (physically, sexually, emotionally, financially??) Hideko in her own house, but also from the man who comes bearing the promise of a life away from what she's known, but one that would still be rife with abuse by him. I appreciate the complete acknowledgment by the movie that the Count is utter trash, unlike in most media where trash men are just flawed heroes, especially if they're physically attractive.

Let's talk about Hideko because I love her character so much!! First of all, phenomenally acted by Kim Minhee, who I thought really captured her character--depressed, disillusioned, and suicidal after all these years of abuse and confinement, yet still sharp and observant and looking out for herself however she can; as well as the curiosity and heart that she regarded Sooki with as they got to know one another and fall for one another. The earliest scene that made me cry in the movie was when Sooki was giving Hideko a foot massage and insisting that she can tell that Hideko loves the Count, even as Hideko denies it and asks "what if I love someone else?" Sooki's obviously counterfeit insistence is devastating to Hideko, and that point I thought back to that moment while they're having sex and Hideko asks Sooki, "Can you promise that you won't betray me?" Sooki looks her in the eyes almost incredulously and shakes her head, replying "I'll never... never... ever..." and the camera cuts to Hideko who watches Sooki and waits for an answer. Ultimately Sooki does not finish her sentence and say exactly what it is she'll "never" do, whether it's because she can't bring herself to lie to Hideko or because she's caught up in the passion of the moment, or both. 

Anyway, back to the foot massage scene--at this point, Hideko is fully disgusted by the Count who insists on constantly being an asshole and sexually assaulting her, and in this scene with Sooki insisting on playing ignorant, Hideko is hit with the realization that she is truly alone. I really felt for her then, as she pushed Sooki out of her room with tears in her eyes and is moved to kill herself and leave her miserable life behind. Ugh I was devastated! :( And then when Sooki catches her and comes clean about the (perceived) scheme all at once, and Hideko comes clean as well, I felt a sense of triumph. I mean, with a con, the one thing you don't do is give away the fact that you were conning someone, so in that moment they both made the choice to fully team up and that just felt so great!!

Speaking of Hideko's loneliness, there are a number of little details in the movie that accentuate the fact that all she has had is herself and her trauma. She carries around a doll that looks like her child self. The two portraits along the staircase leading up to her quarters are portraits of herself now and as a child. It seems that she lives in the European half of the estate, whereas her uncle is the one who has built the library in the Japanese half of the estate. In this way he has symbolically not only separated her from her cultural roots as a Japanese person, but polluted her culture so that she can only associates it with trauma. Related are the fact that her mother died giving birth to her, and her aunt was tortured and killed by her uncle for trying to escape the house. She really is completely and utterly isolated.

I love that as the twists and turns unravel themselves throughout the movie, you realize that Hideko is the one who is in control of the entire scheme. Part of the reason she is able to be so is because she has so become so much part of this house that she is both the master of and a prisoner within. She has a peephole that she uses to spy on her handmaidens, and deftly listens in on her uncle's conversation with the Count through the vents. She knows the house inside and out because despite everything she's gone through, she has survived within it.

"What is it that men want?" On this watch, I realized that Hideko is definitely pretending to be inexperienced here. She obviously knows what men want--she gives it to them during her readings.

Ok, moving onto some other fun elements of the film. The humor is just amazing and sprinkled delightfully throughout. The music is iconic and I especially love the piece that plays during the bathtub thimble scene, which is just so sweet it made my heart ache (in the way that Sooki so skillfully cares for Hideko and Hideko hangs out in the tub with a lollipop and is allowed to be a baby) as well as incredibly sexy??!

steven universe

Written sometime in 2021

This show was honestly life-changing for me. The whole thing is an expression of creativity and radical love for others and the self. I think if I had seen this show when it first came out in 2013, while I was in college, I might have been able to love myself more. 

The celebration of queerness and identity unconfined by the gender binary in this show is huge, from Steven being the softest boi, to the unquestioned gender non-conforming identity of Stevonnie, the joy of Ruby and Sapphire's relationship as Garnet, the fact that all the gems use "she/her" pronouns and seem to embody a wide range of gender expressions. Rebecca Sugar imagined a world without the gender police, and it's by no means an easy life without it, but one can tangibly feel the weight that is lifted off of the characters in that way. 

puella magi madoka magica (2011)

I am so overwhelmed and impressed by this anime--12 masterfully crafted episodes that took me on a journey that completely blew my mind. The art style (especially depicting the witches) is captivating and creates a great sense of being unsettled and unsure of what kind of reality the story is set in, which gives it an effective base for diving into its grand scale storylines. The story that it told would be nowhere as effective without the incredible art, style, pacing, and voice acting.

In terms of the story... I'm new to the majou shojo genre, and wish I had found it sooner! I'm so compelled by the idea of a magical girl--someone who appears ordinary to others yet has the ability to be a hero in her hidden life. It's an empowering narrative because it feels really true to the world as it really is, which is a place in which girls and femmes are made by default to feel powerless, despite all that they can actually do.

I was immediately drawn to Sayaka, who is mediocre in life and love and magical ability but believes so strongly in carrying out justice in a certain way, ultimately alienating everyone around her and is literally consumed by her own grief. I feel her energy in terms of seeing injustice and wanting to strike it down with her own fists. She's the SJW that SJW-haters love to hate!! Her story also reminds me of my own fear that my anger will alienate people I care about, which hers ultimately does. I found her rivalry with the fiery Kyoko probably the most compelling relationship of the show. Kyoko and Sayaka initially hate each other because they are so similar, equally fierce in their beliefs that their approach to justice is the most correct. Kyoko's cold and detachment approach to justice feels backwards to Sayaka, but really they've both crafted approaches to carrying out their magical duties that are informed by their experiences (e.g. they both used their wish to help someone they loved, only to have it all completely backfire in different ways, and in Kyoko's case a horribly traumatic way).  I love the moment in Ep 5 when Sayaka declares "If there are humans who are worse than witches out there, I'll fight them too. Even if they happen to be magical girls," leaving poor Madoka anguished and perplexed at this infighting among supposed allies!!! It me! Both of them!!!

Interestingly, the whole Homura plot was spoiled for me before I even watched the show, which I think was a blessing in disguise because I could focus on other parts of the story since I knew the major twist that was coming. Homura's story is tragic indeed. Her love for her friend drives her to relive a painful journey over and over until it is all that she knows. Her attempts to drive Madoka away fails again and again, perhaps because her approach is to infantilize Madoka and give her commands while keeping her in the dark. Ultimately Homura is unable to protect Madoka as she intended. Instead, it is simply her love for her and her fight for her that allows Madoka to do what she does. What a metaphor for parenthood amirite???

Which brings us to Madoka, our Lord and savior. Madoka starts off as the Observer of the story, walking through life and watching as the truths of the world reveal themselves to her, forcing her to grapple with the twisted fate that lies ahead for her friends and the women that have come before her since the beginning of time. When told she could have any wish granted in exchange for becoming a magical girl, she truly believes that simply becoming a magical girl would be enough, because she'd finally feel like she had a purpose. SO real. At the end of the series, to see her finally realize what justice looks like and to use her unique powers in such a beautiful way, absolving the grief of all the magical girls that have come before her and wish them only strength and happiness, just felt so radical to me! It feels pointedly feminist, for her to have learned about the invisible labor foisted upon young women by the Kyubey peeps (idk what they're called haha) since the beginning of human existence, and to imagine a different reality, reconfiguring the universe as we know it in order to abolish that suffering... it's revolutionary! It's epic! It's what a benevolent god would do... create a world in which girls can be superheroes without having to pay with their souls. They can just be their wonderful, powerful selves.

And the ending speaks to this idea too. That all along, the true enemy was not the witches (which actually turned out to be fallen magical girls) but the exploitation of young girls' bodies and souls to serve some sort of higher purpose predetermined by the cold logic of the Kyubey peeps that paid no mind to the individual and generational suffering inflicted on this cohort of humans. One the cycle was broken, the ills of the world still remained. The difference was that the magical girls were free to live intentional lives.

My main critique of this show would be a representation issue, most glaringly re: the lack of magical girls with dark skin that Madoka saves in the last episode, when it's suggested that she goes back in time and saves all the magical girls throughout the world before her. This is clearly a flaw related to white supremacy and the way it erases the contributions of women with dark skin through its canonization of the contributions of Women in History (i.e. that Madoka sequence included characters who were clear references to a light-skinned Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Anne Frank). Of course, colorism and racism are pervasive in anime and most media in this world... boo.

Overall, I just loved Madoka Magica. It really spoke to me with its questions of what justice looks like, its mythology of what the ills of the world look like and where they come from, how the labor of young girls and femmes are often invisible, traumatic, and important. The story dared to reimagine a new world created by feminine love and justice. When I finished this show, I couldn't help but wish the world I live in could be rewritten like it was in this story.

Now off to watch Utena~

lady bird (2017)

I feel a lot of pressure writing this review, given that this movie has been touted somehow as the most highly reviewed movie on Rotten Tomatoes to date, but I tried not to read any reviews before writing this so as not to be swayed by the masses. On the whole, if you like quirky, fast-paced dialogue, the aesthetics of teenage rebellion, and moving scenes between a daughter and her mother who are both products of trauma suffered by their own mothers, you're sure to appreciate this film!

One of the most moving scenes for me was when Ladybird's mother finds out that she had applied to a school in New York behind her mother's back, and Ladybird is trying desperately to convince her mother that it'll be financially manageable while begging for her forgiveness, while her mother silently washes the dishes. It’s like one of those nightmares in which you’re desperately screaming at your parents because they won't listen and they don't hear you or react at all. I had one of these dreams the night before I watched this movie, which is why this scene really got to me! Being ignored by a parent who otherwise micromanages you is so traumatizing, and I think the scene captured that feeling so well.

prom dress shopping, literally the worst!!!

I also wanted to think a little more about the name Ladybird, which the main character gives herself and prefers to the name Christine, given to her by her mother. First of all, apparently British people call ladybugs ladybirds! Who knew?? Also, the image above of Ladybird in a flaming red-orange dress, with her feathery hair and faded red highlights, immediately brought to my mind the Firebird from Slavic folklore, whose feathers glow a fiery red and brings both great fortune and doom to its captor. I presume this mythical creature was popularized in Western culture by Stravinsky's Firebird Suite in Disney's Fantasia 2000 (a guess idk), in which a powerful bird spirit is awakened and consumes the surrounding forest and land in flames. This combination of awe-inspiring greatness and destruction fits nicely within a coming of age story, as we all know growing up comes with not only the beauty of new experiences and forming one's identity, but also inevitably fucking up a LOT during that process. For our movie protagonist, "Ladybird" is a self-made identity to wear and grow into, a way to hide from her mother in the only way she can. It's an identity is boldly claimed and that can be, depending on her audience, alienating or inviting in its irreverence. (Shout out to this great line: "If you took up-close shots of my vagina when I'm on my period, it'd look pretty disturbing, but that doesn't make it wrong.")

There were a lot of interesting character stories going on in this movie beyond Ladybird and her mother - her father is depressed but doesn't ever show it, her first boyfriend is gay and afraid to tell anyone, her best friend has anxiety about her weight that Ladybird is oblivious and insensitive to, her brother is clearly adopted given she and her parents are white af and his girlfriend lives with them because she got kicked out of her own family. There is so much to explore in these characters' lives and I was left wanting more of their story through their interactions with Ladybird. I admit, it would have been ambitious to flesh out all of these characters, but it would have been nice. It also might have made up for the fact that only non-white people in the movie serve as caricatures onto which Ladybird deploys her irreverence (e.g. copying answers off of an Asian girl in math class, having her brother and his gf portrayed as social weirdos who will "never get jobs" because of their facial piercings). Yeah, this movie was super white which is disappointing and made it hard to relate to. I definitely think it's about time that there's a well-received live-action coming of age story with a female protagonist (directed by a woman nonetheless), but America u still so white. Who run the 21st century? White feminists!!!

I also wish the movie had a slower pace to it, or perhaps had a little more quietness infused into it. The heavily stylized dialogue was funny but felt superficial at times, and I felt myself wanting more silences. So to sum it up, far from perfect IMO but I enjoyed it and appreciate the film for what it is. Perhaps the fact that it gave me a lot of different feelings is testament enough!

coco (2017)

Coco is a heartwarming story about love for family and following your dreams all wrapped up in one delightful story set in Mexico, featuring an all-Latinx cast. Am I dreaming? No, this is real life and it's amazing!!! It's incredibly uplifting to see major film companies like Pixar and Disney diversifying their movies, and it's no surprise that they tend to be my favorites. It was only starting a few years ago that these major movie companies began telling stories about ~strong female characters~ (I promise this is relevant), and for years I would burst into tears when I saw them on screen because it was just felt so new and unbelievable. I felt my heart aching in a similar way during this movie, as I watched people of color being celebrated so lovingly on the big screen.

QTpie wants to be a musician so precious

Beautiful visuals with an ambitious storyline that was pulled off quite nicely. I cried like a baby and it felt great. Would watch again because I want to see it in 3D!

right now, wrong then (2015)

To watch Right Now, Wrong Then is to dive into and swim around in its quiet realism. Long, still shots in which the camera barely moves render you a voyeur, invisibly and patiently observing the incidental meeting of two strangers. The acting is superb, which is what makes it so fascinating to watch the characters gradually open up right in front of you. I was already Kim Minhee's biggest fan (she was in The Handmaiden my favorite movie!!), but to see such a skilled performance from her made me fall in love with her all over again.

awkward turtles

I can't talk about this film without talking about the trick it employs halfway through - it rewinds to the beginning and the characters make different decisions as they go through the same plot points. Namely, in the second half Director Ham approaches Heejung in a way that is more honest and transparent, which allows her the space to be more of herself in return. Their short relationship is tweaked in subtle ways that build upon each other, culminating in an ending in which nothing has changed -- they still go their separate ways -- except for the way they feel about each other. 

I can think of so many productions that employ this rewind-and-go-again format (Tatami Galaxy, the play Constellations, Groundhog Day...) and it's easy to see what is so compelling. The format allows us to live out the alternative universes in which all but the factor you choose are held constant. It's like conducting a science experiment. What went wrong the first time? What could have been? A fantasy, observed from a safe distance. 

Of course, though the second version of the story gives us the sense of wish fulfillment for both characters, the encounter isn't perfect. It's nice that Director Ham is honest about the fact that he is married, but given that the current story is happening I would surmise his marriage has some serious issues! He also criticizes Heejung's painting and upsets her, and repeatedly tells her she is pretty without even invitation. Despite being overall more likeable in the second half, he is masculine and patronizing in the way he talks to her, unable to shake the arrogance that plagues him as a famous movie director and as a man. To see the "better" half of the story fall far from perfect is perhaps a comfort to those of us who are regretful or hung up on the past, or a warning to those who think that life is anything but messy. (To make matters worse, the director of the actual movie had an affair with Kim Minhee what the fuck!!? Was this whole project just a way for him to live out his own fantasy of taking advantage of a young beautiful actress with whom he would have no chance with without the power differential this project provides him??? Was the whole plot to like psychologically prime her to fall in love with him?? I am as always highly skeptical of powerful men's motivations but idk though I don't want to deny Kim Minhee any agency. Also I just google'd this and apparently they are in love. Omg. Ugh ok let's make a futile attempt to separate the art from the artist starting..... now... ... .. . )

Overall, this movie is a lovely meditation on human interaction and all of the beauty and shared connection and pain and disgust that comes with it. Looking forward to watching the director's new movie coming out this month, On the Beach at Night Alone, ALSO starring Kim Minhee, ALSO about her falling in love with a movie director. *facepalm*

thirst / bakjwi (2009)

If you're looking for a fun, sufficiently creepy movie, this is the one to watch! And it's not just any ol' vampire movie - it's about a priest who turns into a vampire after a blood transfusion gone awry (I hope nothing like this happens on my clinical service ha ha ha!), and the havoc that follows as he tries to stay true to his principles.

~ suggestive stares ~

Of course, he is able to generally control himself until he meets the woman who screws everything up. Women suck amirite??!!! She's lonely and mistreated as essentially a servant in her own household, so when protag shows up she seduces him. She is successful partly due to her high JVP and because as a priest he is horny af and understandably #downforwhatever. Lots of sexual interactions take place, most of which I found pretty cray, and one of which I found pretty hot?? It's interesting to think about the conflation of thirst for blood (aptly called bloodlust) with sexual desire in the vampire genre. It makes sense because I guess bodily fluids, necks, and gloomy men who tend to be vampires are all sexy in the cultural imagination - but I am also reminded of the conflation of violence and sex in ways that hurt people in catastrophic ways every day.

It's a Park Chan Wook movie, so of course it's filled with cool shots and startling moments and great acting. Of course, the female protag is a - do I even have to say it - literal piece of cute cardboard whose decisions don't make sense but like what's new?? Oh, and fun fact: The Korean title for this movie is bakjwi, literally "bat." I guess it was decided that that wasn't appealing enough for us sex-crazed Americans. Anyway, this film is overall a fun watch if you have a thing for vampires and mild gore like I do!

oldboy (2003)

// second viewing //

I remember being nineteen years old and watching this movie for the first time and being captivated by the unraveling mystery, the protag's pain and all-consuming drive for vengeance, and the extravagant presence of violence and profanity throughout. Now, five years later, I found my second viewing sorely disappointing. Without the shock factor of the plot, the dullness of the characters became more apparent - the female love interest is reduced to an object of sex and violence and also conveniently a plot point, and the antagonist is reduced to just an inexplicably shitty person, though he had a backstory that could have made him much more compelling if only his psychological had been explored a little more deeply.

On the whole I find the general scheme of vengeance stories to be a giant yawn. Character A shits on character B, who gets mad and spends the whole movie plotting to shit back on character A. It's like 2 Girls 1 Cup but the shit is all figurative. Character B has questionably consensual sex with a woman thirty years younger than he is. (I wonder if the movie was trying to make a point about this?) Sprinkle on some violent obstacles, finish the plot off with a twist, and you get a movie that film bros can really jerk off to enjoy.

meet-cute at the sushi bar

Is that all I have to say? I think that's all I have to say without spoiling anything since spoiling this movie would defeat the purpose of anyone watching it IMO. The acting was good! The camerawork and composition were good. The pacing of the first part of the movie where he's imprisoned in a room was great. And the octopus scene!!! I've been craving live octopus since I watched this movie five years ago and that desire has not changed one bit!

I hope I didn't hurt your feelings, Park Chan Wook. :( I still think The Handmaiden is a masterpiece and it's still one of my favorite movies, but that's probably because you had a female co-writer and her lesbian friend as a consult who probably did the heavy lifting in humanizing your characters. I hope you learned something and I look forward to your next movie! Hwaiting!!!

battle royale (2000)

A class of teenagers are brought to a remote island under the guise of a class trip and forced to kill each other off until one remains. It's a brutal setup that's been a part of our cultural imagination, taking on many forms from Robinson Crusoe which I never read, to The Hunger Games trilogy which I ashamedly took part in. There was something about this film in particular that felt more succinct and distilled, a specific meditation on what it is like to be confronted by the idea of the death of others as an antidote to your own death. The characters were all interesting and engaging to watch, with their own unique motives and ways of coping, which was great, and the fact that they were kids made their acts of passion more believable. Of course, the female love interest was mostly a shell of a human being and served only to give emotional support to other men, but hey, just like prostitution is the world's oldest profession, so are cardboard female love interests the movie industry's oldest unhealing leg ulcer!!!

The pacing was fast, which I liked - we're told in stark text that the country is falling apart, that adolescents are boycotting school and youth crime is on the rise. In reaction, the "adults" pass the BR Act (Battle Royale) that allows for the premise of the movie. We're not told why or who in the world thought this was a good idea, which is perhaps comforting because it allows us to momentarily laugh at how preposterous and fictitious the premise is - that is, until we remember that the world we live in is no different in how it pits individuals and groups of people against each other in order to maintain a certain power hierarchy.

#distressed

Stylistically, I loved the white text on a black screen that would immediately appear after each death, showing the name and assigned number of the character that had died as if they were inevitable, each just one more number on a scoreboard displayed for the audience's benefit. Occasionally, during the deaths of more prominent characters, the camera would linger on their lifeless body and the text would appear right on top of that image, without the black background, forcing the audience to confront the gruesome fact of slaughter.

Overall this movie that does a great job rendering this kill or be killed narrative that we are so familiar with. It's immersive, and sweet and horrifying at once, though fairly easy to digest because the horror isn't anything new or backhanded. It's not unsettling to watch because they are children and perhaps we don't infuse within them any kind of lasciviousness or twisted deceit. They are simply trying, as we always are, when confronted with danger imposed by the existing world. 

wolf children / ookami kodomo no ame to yuki (2013)

// second viewing //

Truly a masterpiece! This family saga tells the story of Hana, a woman who falls in love with a wolf-man and has two wolf-children, Yuki and Ame, whom she must raise to self-actualization as a single mother within the confines of a society that does not deal too kindly with the duality of their nature. Her struggle is set alongside the challenges Yuki and Ame face of growing up and longing for acceptance and a place of belonging, and the ways in which the three characters' stories interlace and come apart is heartbreaking, delivered as a slow, devastating unraveling throughout the film. I am left with the image of a tapestry, coming undone with the end of the thread being painstakingly woven back in between the fibers that remain, resulting in an imperfect kind of beauty.

#idyllicAFcountrylife #jkit'sactuallyalotofwork

I love stories about sibling relationships, and this story's older sister/younger brother sibling relationship hit me extremely close to home, and perhaps led me to look closer into their dynamic than the film really intended for. I see a lot of parallels between Yuki and Ame and my own sibling relationship - headstrong Yuki and bashful Ame as children, Yuki's desire to participate in the outside world and having to sacrifice not only her wolf identity, but also begrudgingly take on a female gender identity, in order to survive and fit in. Ame slowly turning inward and discovering that he prefers the forest, and easily finds himself master of that domain, a role that opens up to him without much resistance. Ame becoming stronger and overpowering his sister as they fight violently, unable to come to terms with the fact that they want different things. Yuki finding relief for the complexity of her wolf/human duality only in a boy, while Ame finds freedom by simply deciding to embrace his wolf side. Bold, adventurous Yuki growing into a young woman who is essentially saved by a boy, while quiet Ame retreats during a rainstorm into his own realm, leaving his mother chasing after him in tears. I see this trajectory of these characters' lives and am filled with sadness - by the burdens we place on our daughters and mothers, by the way parents hurt their children by loving them so hard, by the pain that children cause their parents simply because they need to find themselves. This hurt is so universal, and is conveyed by the film so sincerely.

While I doubt this admittedly somber interpretation is the exact one that the writers meant for me to come away with, I think it is a testament to the attention to detail that they placed on character building that makes the characters come to life and elicit a personalized understanding of their story from the viewer. For example, I read another review in which the author talks about being reminded of her experience growing up as an Asian American immigrant, constantly negotiating her place between two worlds, with her parents acting as a sort of balancing force that reminded her that perhaps it was possible to exist in two states at once. I wish the film had explored a bit more the pain that Yuki felt in having to conform to gender norms - my only disappointment. In any case, I imagine there are so many stories of people's lives that this film will resonate with in unexpected ways, and I find that incredibly uplifting.

"omiyage mitsu, tako mitsu!" *bawls like a baby*

I finished this film feeling like I've known these characters for a decade of their lives, which really only ever happens otherwise when I read a book. It was mesmerizing the ways in which time passing was depicted - by the changing flowers in the vase beside the father's picture, by delightful montages of Hana working so hard to build a new life and her kids growing up alongside her toil, and the stylish panning through the school hallways as Yuki and Ame move up one grade level at a time. And oh gosh, the beautiful soundtrack that carries this story along. This film cuts straight to the heart.

a silent voice / koe no katachi (2016)

PLOT: Schoolboy Ishida has a great life until Nishimiya shows up as a new student who is deaf. The ways in which he and different characters react to her deafness causes a social crisis among them, and as a result Ishida becomes a social outcast and Nishimiya transfers schools. Years later, Ishida learns sign language and finds Nishimiya and asks her to be friends, in order to make amends before planning to commit suicide. He finds, however, that the prospect of friendship gives him something to live for. Stuff happens that spans I think seven manga volumes and is all stuffed into a two hour film in a way that is super confusing and tbh kind of boring.

This is a film that had perhaps great intentions but fell exasperatingly short of them. The story with the topics of disability (deafness) and mental health (social ostracization and suicide), but ultimately, because the film tries to do so many things at once and ultimately fails in fleshing out its large character cast, these topics feel more like dramatizing plot points and are not given the attention to detail they deserve.

First, the positive: The romantic undertones in this movie were dealt with a very light touch, which I appreciated. The viewer got the sense that part of the reason Ueno participated in Nishimiya's bullying was that she had feelings for Ishida, and it was clear that this unrequited longing continued to factor into her character's actions five years later. This tension was conveyed without the writers having to spell it out explicitly. The female characters in general were portrayed in a surprisingly and relatively non-gendered way, which is a testament perhaps to the fact that Kyoto Animation was founded by a woman? Idk I just read that somewhere lol.

The negatives, and only the negatives that I have the energy to write about (there were a lot):

Nishimiya is portrayed very statically as a shy, deaf girl who always has a smile on her face, is very quick to say sorry, who just wants to be friends, who wants to be friends with our male protagonist Ishida despite him literally throwing a ball of dirt into her face and called her disgusting when they first met because he ~didn't know how to act upon his confused feelings about her deafness, he realizes years later, so he had decided to react in a most toxically masculine way~. Though we do see her exasperated side when she reciprocates Ishida's violence during their fight at school, she immediately accepts his request for friendship when they reunite five years later, for no reason other than I guess this is what a girl has to do in order to not piss off a guy and possibly give him a reason to blame her for his decision to commit suicide - but of course she has a character showed no sign of this kind of decision-making. Her niceness and ability to forgive Ishida is hailed as the reason he does not go through with his suicide, but her character is in turn given no depth whatsoever. Her deafness is simply a device that lays a path for Ishida to make terrible decisions and then feel bad about them and try to make up for them, while all along she is blindly supportive and uncritical of him. She is, both literally and figuratively, a voiceless victim through which our protag is able to find self-actualization without having to be critical of his process. It's like they didn't even try!

I hope you get better portrayals in future films about deafness my cute honeypie *squishes cheeks bc you're cute but also bc this film convinces me you're just an object :( *

Ishida is quite frankly an idiot who has no social skills, which I guess makes sense because apparently he doesn't even need them because the other characters like him for no apparent reason. He is a flawed character who I imagine garners more sympathy in the manga, in which there is probably room for his character's internal life to be explored more fully. I found him unfathomably thoughtless and lame. There is probably no character trope I loathe more than the male protagonist who is supposed to be heroic simply because he realizes his mistakes and tries to fix them but nonetheless continues to make similar mistakes without consequence. Are our standards for men so low that this is enough? Whatever, I'M OVER IT, I shout into the void. Ishida's suicide was treated too nonchalantly by other characters and by the film, which seems to gloss over the serious mental health burden that accompanies the decision to commit suicide and treats suicide as a singular event. The depiction could have been much worse, but was still disappointing.

Don't really recommend this film, but wanted it ~on record~ that, as much as it pains me to say, this film is worse than Kimi no Na Wa, though I would consider both exceptionally bad. Is the anime film dead as a genre? Was Miyazaki the only good thing to have ever happened to us? I really hope not!!!